JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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