I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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