Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
my poor anus
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
