My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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