Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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