And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
