there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
