I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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