dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
