think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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