Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
