I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
