he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
