I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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