haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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