well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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