Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize