I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
