There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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