i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
