she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
not ubering you a puppy
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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