Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
