Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
