I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
