We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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