don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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