You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you bring me the toilet please
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
