Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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