Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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