the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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