i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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