so that wasnt chicken after all
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
