Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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