Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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