Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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