he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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