Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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