I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
