She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
