Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
