And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
