She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
