woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
