I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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