The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
