cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
