I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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