shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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