Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
