if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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