FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
