so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
