No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
