If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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