I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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