It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
