I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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