god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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