what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
