Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am one with the molecules
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need water and some morals
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
