so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
