imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
