I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
