i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
two words: eviction party
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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