i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
