who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
send nudes
from the living room?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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