You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
